he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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