I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
