As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
