May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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