WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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