Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
