omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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