If i come over, it means nothing
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
