I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
