What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
