420 ftw
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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