we made out on top of his cat.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
