This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
