When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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