Where is the hickey?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
