The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
