No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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