god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Shame - the story of my life.
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