I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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