I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize