Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
