I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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