You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
