my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
