I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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