im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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