He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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