Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
