We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
