Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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