I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
