Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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