he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize