I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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