How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
