we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
MIDGETS
????
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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