I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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