yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
