Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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