I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
