I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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