The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
