It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
