I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
