If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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