My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
