how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
