Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My bed smells like the plague
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
