Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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