im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my being single is dangerous.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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