I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
