He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
