It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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