I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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