I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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