He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
