Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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