if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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