i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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