So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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