Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
