I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
