Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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