The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
