Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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