I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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