Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
