I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
