Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
