You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
