Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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