My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
