Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
