Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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