She said her name was "party"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize