In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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