I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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