it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
