He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
