i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
