I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
