i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
