Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
