I'm eating all of the evidence.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
