When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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