Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
PANTIES FOUND
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
