how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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