She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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