I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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