drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
